I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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