took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
