Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
