You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am one with the molecules
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
