Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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