Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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