just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
