And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
