Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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