This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
