i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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