just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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