i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
