I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
