Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
