dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
