So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
