I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
