yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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