after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
