Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
