I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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