I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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