i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
