Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
