According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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