So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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