mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
