Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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