Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
