she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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