well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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