Your face is a jimmy john
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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