As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
