I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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