I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She announced her abortion via fbk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
