I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
