so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
