Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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