I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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