we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
