I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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