So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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