She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
