Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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