last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
