Do you still have your period?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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