I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
