he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
