five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I deserve this hangover.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
