i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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