i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
