I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
