Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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