Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
