You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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