She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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