some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Panties = found
Randomize
