Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
