A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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