hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
