alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
