Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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