hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
