i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
