Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
