I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
