I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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