I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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