I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
