party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
