I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
