I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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